So here I am, finally living my Ibiza dream, in a farmhouse on Ibiza’s wonderful west coast. I’m tapping away on my laptop, looking out over the giant cactus with the sea sparkling in the distance.
“Where would I like to live?” I’ve wondered in the past. “A finca in Ibiza. Hmmm. Or perhaps a more contemporary number; too much can go wrong in those old houses. Perhaps I’ll feel too isolated? Perhaps it would be scary at night in all that darkness. And I’d have to drive to the shops – that’d be a drag. Especially just for a carton of almond milk. And anyway, I probably couldn’t afford it.”
Within a few sentences I would have talked myself out of the dream house, attaching all those negative projections and stories to my initial musing. The dream casa in Spain quickly becomes a studio flat in Birmingham if you start worrying about how you’ll get there. Realism creeps in from the logical mind, and your ego leaps in to stop you setting yourself up for a fall. “You could never afford it; get real, and get the bus back to Brum,” it says. So often we downscale our visions because we think we can’t achieve them, and create more ‘realistic’ (aka rubbish) goals instead. When really we want to live our dream!
I remember a time when life had taken such a nose dive I had forgotten my dreams. I didn’t have any. And when asked, I couldn’t come up with one thing. I had forgotten I was a model and a writer and could see no future path. I had always made shit happen, worked hard and ‘been successful’, whatever that really means. When I did lose it all, boy did I lose it; my business, my home, my boyfriend and my mind. And in the run up to losing it, now that I look back on those dark and sometimes dreary years, I can see that I lost sight of my dreams many moons before.
So I went back to the beginning. Bought a new notebook and pen and started trying to dig up some nugget of excitement for a life less ordinary. At first I couldn’t even imagine taking to the seas on beautiful boats as it seemed so impossible, even though I’d done it before. “Travel? Wasn’t I a fan of that? Well that will never happen.” I couldn’t even pack a bag for 2 days at that point, let alone 2 months. Life had become so plagued with doubt, fear and insecurity that I didn’t even know who I was anymore, apart from anxious.
I had to have a short sharp word with myself. “Dreams, Esther, dreams. What would you really really LOVE to do? What did I want to be when I was little? A vet? Nah. A model? Well I didn’t really dream of that, it just happened. But once I started it I definitely wanted more. I suddenly remembered dreaming of moving from Streatham to Barcelona to model. I had just started to read Shakti Gawain’s Creative Visualisation, a book I still re-read every now and again, and I started imagining myself prancing around Barcelona with my portfolio. As I stomped toward Streatham Hill train station, I imagined my phone ringing off the hook with bookings, being brilliant and beautiful at castings and generally having an epic time. Check. So I did have dreams, and more than that, I realised them. And have the photos to prove it.
What about writing? Oh yes, I did that once. I did that rather well in fact. Oh yes, and I wanted to write from a beautiful finca on a hill, surrounded by rolling hills, a sea view too and miles of countryside to get lost in. Boats and beaches. Far away beaches. Back to Thailand and the rest of unexplored SE Asia. Jumping off cliffs. Back to Argentina. South Amercia. Peru!!!!!
Although I wasn’t quite ready for it, I knew if I waited to feel 100%, or waited until I’d got some money, or waited for anything else to be ‘ready’, I would never go. So I pushed myself out of my comfort zone living with my family, and got my arse back to Ibiza in January 2013.
Yes! I have dreams. Got new ones now! And I’m a writer. I don’t want to be one, I AM one. I’m recently back from a 2 month trip to Thailand, Laos and Vietnam. It wasn’t always easy, but back packing isn’t a VIP experience. I packed my bag for 2 long travelling months, not just 2 days in Brum, won a bikini contest and got down with Mother Nature in a big way, cooking fish on the beach and sharing it with special people.
And here I am. Living my dream. Of course you need to take action to live your dreams; it’s no good imagining the scenarios if you don’t physically work towards them. I had a sneaky feeling I was living it last year, in my apartment by the sea, working for myself and soaking up the summer. But now I’m really living it! So don’t give up on the dreams. Remember them, and instead of worrying about how you might get there or what could go wrong, always focus on the best possible outcomes. Imagine yourself living your dream. Feel what you’re wearing and the smell and the sound of the sea. Or the feeling as you dive into it. Feel the wind in your hair and feel the buzz as you imagine yourself living the life of your dreams. It might be impossible to imagine the successful future you if you’re more inclined to have a go at yourself or imagine the worst, but force yourself to do it every day and the visions will start to seem feasible and possible the more you think of them,
Everything I think about actually happens, both good and bad. So let’s be mindful of our thoughts. Think good ones, and instead of injecting them with any negative fear based energy such as what might go wrong, fill them with focused, pleasurable, positive “I can and I am” energy – you’ll be surprised when things start coming together.